To Hell with Rumors.Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Impromptu entry. Something about rumors. Something that affected me quite a bit for a long period of time. And now, TO HELL WITH RUMORS. I don't give a flying fuck of what you you you and you said or have to say anymore. Why should I let all these ridiculous stories (or facts) affect me so much.
Yes. I doubted many actions, words, and promises made just because of some stupid rumors. I hate to be insecure all the time. I admit, I have a hard time trusting people. And I allowed rumors to get in our way. Or at least my mind for quite a few months. Maybe its still affecting me till now! I never know.
What I have told myself repeatedly is that since I have chosen this path, I should trust my own actions and not let the past hold me back or even subconsciously affecting my life. I am not a perfect person. I am selfish and may have done things that I'm not proud of. I am still affected by that till today. But what is done is done. Who have I to blame other than myself. If I had to make that same choice all over again, I would have done the same. I did not regret. Not a single bit. The only thing I regret is letting the rumors get to me. I shouldn't have let the past affect me so much.
Okay. Some might have been facts and I know that it happened. It wasn't easy dealing with people who is so important to you but yet you can't trust them. Sometimes it felt like someone just handed you a photo of your husband with some other girl in bed together (I don't know how it really feels like but some how it made me felt that way). Like betrayal. I know it's getting a bit off topic but I'm just gonna carry on.
So how did I handle it? I kept it inside me for a long time. Until one day I finally decided that this isn't going to solve the problem and I am done with it affecting me so much. So I talked. We talked. Believe me, it wasn't easy for me to do that. I hesitated. A lot. What if what the people said were right and I could have been a fool all these time. People have been coming to me telling me stuff that I rather would not want to hear about. Some might have good intentions but others, I just don't get it. I kept thinking, 'Why are you telling me all these?' I truly doubt people's intentions these days. Especially those who pretend to be nice to you. Right, be conscious. I am talking about you. Don't know if you are reading my blog now but good job, you really got to me.
Anyway, to be honest, some little things still affects me even today, at this very moment. But I have gotten over most of them and have proven them wrong. I am happy now and that's all it matters.
On a side note, (I know I have said this so many times but I am still going to say it again) act emo bitches on facebook/twitter gotta stop. Seriously. Tell me if you don't have such a 'friend' in your list. Don't think so. I can unfriend them anytime but its quite entertaining seeing how these girls crave for attention and sympathy. Stop saying you're ugly when you obviously camwhore all the time. Stop posting stupid emo stuff (lyrics, quotes, thought of the day blah blah blah) and being suddenly all cheerful when people comments. This only applies to those who does it on almost a daily basis. Everytime I see a post on my news feed, I literally roll my eyes and laugh at what you just said. Seriously? Again? LOL awww so poor thing. What I can't stand the most is that some of them posts about love all the time. Love here love there. No boyfriend; singlehood. Get over the fact that you're still single. You still have a life right? Friends and everything. Why don't you post more about friendship instead. Okay I am in no place to judge but personally I just don't get it.