Understanding usSaturday, November 26, 2011
Sometimes I get really sick of waiting. But then again, I wait because I trust that he'll come back to me. This may be an issue before, with the paranoid and no-sense-of-security-me, but I learnt a lot in this relationship. Especially after I came here, to Shanghai.
I was amazed how easy it was for me to not get mad at the things that I would have easily pissed me off in the past. It helped me through the toughest days. I understood why my boyfriend say or do certain things, not because he don't love me, but its just how guys think and react. And girls, misinterpret and think too much. Yes, I always think too much. That's why I said I was paranoid. And guys, need to understand that we talk to feel better. All we need is someone to listen and feel for us. We don't want to solve it (yet) or we simply know that there's no solution. We just keep talking and talking and talking.. That annoys the guys sometimes. He secretly thinks that 'we talk too much' and we go saying 'why are you not listening?' Guys love to solve problems and give solutions, but they didn't know we don't need them all the time. Most of time, we just want him to listen and sympathize. That's why when we kinda 'reject' their solutions, they feel frustrated. But thing is, guys need to understand girls feel better after talking, so by just listening is already enough and we really appreciate when you listen, as for the girls, you need to tell guys the 'ending' of your 'story' cause guys hate suspense and they want 'straight to the point'.
Another thing is that we always tend to want our partner to 'do what we expect/want them to do'. When guys don't react a certain way, girls will be like 'If I am you I will ....' But then, we are all different, we love differently. You can't expect someone to do exactly what you want him/her to do. I had that problem too.
For instance, your boyfriend loves you by helping you to solve your problems. But the thing they don't know is that we don't need it all the time, we just want him to listen. Girls show their love by helping the guy (in every possible way), trying to improve his current life or what-so-ever. We feel like we're taking care of him. But guys don't like to be told what to do all the time. EGO.
Also, when we quarrel, guys hide into their 'caves'. They need some alone time. While girls wants to TALK. Yes, talk, again. We talk too much. What I've gotten from the past month was to give each other their space. Respect the need of it. If one party wants to be alone and cool off, let him be. This is also a way of loving him. He is making an effort on his side to make it better for the both of you. If not, he would have just walked away from you. That is his way of loving you.
However, love alone is not enough. You can love someone but if you can't compromise (willingly) and truly accept the differences between the both of you, then I guess it's a bit hard.. Being in an relationship is a learning experience too. We all learn and grow in relationships. This is my first, so maybe I had made many mistakes and hurt him many times, but his willingness to compromise and forgive me allowed us to be better. But I was too selfish and didn't change at all. I've never truly compromised. It's different now. I've learnt why certain things happen and why we always have the same arguments over and over again.
I really really love him so much so I am really glad that this is working out for us and that I am changing for the better (: I have faith in us.♥