I don't deserveSaturday, November 19, 2011
There are times I just hate myself. I don't think I deserve what I have.
I have a bad temper. I'm emotional. I'm stubborn. I tend to take things for granted when I have them. I'm insecure. I'm paranoid. And on and on..
Trust. I trust but I don't dare to trust 100%. I guess I'm just an insecure bitch who worries and thinks too much. How I wish everything in life is just simple and perfect. I feel tired already.. Not like I have a lot of shit to deal with, but I'm just not strong enough to hold myself together. I hate myself for that too. Thou I feel that I'm already a bit stronger, more independent, less clingy. I still have no confidence in myself.
I loved my life before I came to Shanghai. And distance made me realized how incredibly bad I was.
Things done, words said can't be changed or undone. But at least with the fast forward button, I can skip the unhappy days.
I am really thankful that I have friends in Shanghai and even back in Singapore to listen and be there for me. I'm just really lucky to have wonderful friends around me.
No point regretting what have been done. All I can do to make things better is to change myself, for the better (: I have confidence that I can do it this time. There are definitely hard times, like now, where I feel like I'm falling apart and no one is there to catch me. But after a few deep breathes and talking to friends, every thing will be better.
I reassure myself everyday to be stronger. I WANT to be a better person, and not a burden to anyone.